17 January 2023

Something only cat owners will understand!

The Cat's Version of the Rules

BATHROOMS: Always accompany your humans and their house guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.

DOORS: Do not allow any closed doors in any room. To get the door open, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold or exceptionally wet or windy weather.

CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you feel the urge to throw up, get to a chair or bed quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an oriental rug. If there is no oriental rug, shagpile is good too. When throwing up on any carpet, make sure you back up so the trail is as long as your human's bare foot.

HAMPERING: If one of your humans is engaged in some activity, and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping", otherwise known as "hampering". Here are some of the basic rules for maximum hampering:

When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.
For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book -- unless you can lie across the book itself.
When your human is working at their computer, jump up on desk, walk across keyboard, bat at the mouse pointer on screen, and then lay in human's lap across arms, hampering typing in progress and possibly resulting in a spellcheck meltdown.

WALKING: As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of your human, especially on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.

BEDTIME: Always sleep on your human at night so he/she cannot move around.

LITTER BOX: When using the litter tray, be sure to kick as much litter out of the tray as possible. Humans love the feel of cat litter between their toes.

HIDING: Every now and then, hide in a place where your humans cannot find you. Do not come out for three to four hours under any circumstances. This will cause your humans to panic (which they love) thinking that you have run away or are lost. Once you do come out, your humans will cover you with love and kisses, and you'll probably get a treat!